i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
