in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
