well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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