When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
BRING THE BAGELS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
