Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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