My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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