What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I puked a lego.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
