dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
