I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
