nut hugger
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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