My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
