How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
