dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
