is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
