i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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