One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
