My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
