cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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