not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
