I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
