So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
