My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
