I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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