That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
