I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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