does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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