It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
