he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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