You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
