Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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