Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
