is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
