guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Two words: nipple clamps
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