She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
