btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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