I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
