I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
