this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize