Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
