So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize