White coat. Heels.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
