she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
