Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
