you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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