also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
