What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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