By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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