I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
