Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
