And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
