guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
