so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
