She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
