You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
