Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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