my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
