so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
