I bet he comes in French.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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