I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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