I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
