dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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