I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
