I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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